Love and Anger

We know what love is, how it feels to be enamored of someone or to enjoy something so much that there is not much else you would rather do. We know that love takes many forms, and there are different types of love. Hopefully we have love for our family, our partner, even our fellow human beings. We know that love makes us feel good and that spending more of our time with feelings of love is positive for our state of mind and for our sense of well being. It is good for our fellow humans when we share our feelings of love, as well as giving the gifts of our time, our energy, our compassion and our knowledge that are the manifestations of sharing this love. If love is such a good and positive thing, why do we not spend more of our time expressing our love for others, through our thoughts, our words, and most importantly our actions?

Clearly, love is not always reciprocated. It is hard to act in love at all times when those actions get abused by others. When others take advantage of the generosity of giving individuals or groups and do not share in kind, it is natural to feel a sense of resentment. Worse, if someone takes advantage of their position to abuse an innocent person, confusion, hurt, anxiety and anger result in the mind of the victim. When workers are treated unfairly by employers, when their efforts are not reasonably rewarded and the distribution of revenue becomes too extremely imbalanced in favor of the elite, justifiable anger ensues. When governments, law enforcement agencies, and court systems show favor to a group based on criteria such as race, gender, sexual orientation, religious practice or political ideology, unfairness arises and anger becomes appropriate. When deceit and manipulation are used to gain power and control, anger is the natural response. Anger can be good when it spurs us to action to fight against injustice, unfairness and abuse. Putting this anger to use can be an act of love for our fellow humans when it brings about change for the common good. The important point is to channel the anger into positive action.

Living in anger all the time is not healthy or good for us. To be happy we can acknowledge that we want to spend more of our emotional time and energy in loving thoughts, words and actions, but there will be times when it is appropriate and necessary for us to be angry and to use this anger to bring about needed change. The sooner we can sublimate our anger into productive, helpful action, the sooner we can return to the spirit of cooperation and love that will nourish our emotional state. We should continue to strive to be slow to anger and to not try to control everything and everybody around us. If we can strive to control our own thoughts, words and actions we will have a positive influence on those around us without needing to confront every act of inappropriate speech or deed. We can then save our anger for the really important things that speak to our core values.

Clashing of core values is a problem that creates discord, resentment, anger and violence. Throughout history, conquering and subjugation have been used through war and revolution to resolve the otherwise unresolvable. But is there be another way? Diplomacy, or seeking common understanding through insightful personal communication, understanding of core values and striving to find some mutually acceptable common ground is the preferred alternative to destructive combat. With the increasing destructive power of modern weaponry, the stakes of war and violence become higher. On a personal level, open discussion of personal values and priorities can often lead to better understanding and discovery of common interests and desires. Finding ways to work together to resolve differences rather than work against each other applies to individuals, groups, societies and countries. If we can come to incorporate the value of shared problem solving rather than strict ideological adherence and polarization we will begin to better solve the problems that plague us as individuals and as a society.